31 December 2006

What I fear in a home birth

I was just thinking about my fears as I was soaking in the bath. Some of them are neurotic, I know. I have bathroom issues. I clean our bathroom at least twice a week. I was thinking whether or not the bathtub would be clean enough for me to labor in. Even though I take baths in them, Desmina takes baths, and the new baby will take baths I still wonder. I doubt the bathroom will be big enough for the midwife and Fred to be with me while I am laboring. Besides the shower curtains, although new look to me as though it can be a transporter of germs. I'm sure it is! My solution: rent a birthing tub from Jeanne. We can set it up in the living room. Problem solved there, I guess.

I worry that the baby will be breech and my dreams for a home birth will be stolen from me. In NH, midwives are not allowed to deliver breech or twins in the home. My solution: chiropractor adjustments.

My biggest fear is whether or not I will be able to push a head out. What if I tear? What if the baby gets stuck? I need a mantra. I believe in myself. I believe in my body.

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