Last night, a few minutes before minute I shared with a family the birthing of their daughter. It was amazing! The mom was in the tub the whole time. When it came time to push, she knew exactly what to do. All of a sudden a gush of brown (ore green) came out. Her water broke. A few moments later, you could see the head emerging. Baby didn't cry at all. The mom made laboring and birthing so easy. Sure, she made some groans and yelled a little. With Desmina I yelled, I cursed, I cried. She gave me hope that I can do it as well. She had a very short labor, but intense labor. She worked very hard.
I cannot wait to do this again! I don't know how long it will before I will be able to though. Maybe I can work as a doula when we go to NH. It's lots of waiting and jumping, but at the end of the day it's all worth it.
Placentas are not as disgusting as I thought they were. They are actually almost iridescent on one side. The other side looks like a brain. You can even see the sac where the baby was. I am more disgusted by the idea of handling meat than I am handling the placenta. At least I know where the placenta has been. I was worried that I would get queasy and throw up. All the blood didn't seem to phase me. Now, I don't think I can bring myself to eating it like some moms do. Perhaps putting it in a pill form and everything will be OK. How do you freeze dry a placenta?
25 September 2006
21 September 2006
Happy anniversary Fred
Four years ago today, Fred and I were married by the beach in Kauai. It was at noon and the sun was reflecting off the sand. I of course wanted to do it barefoot; my feet were burning. My dad walked me to the Hei'au, where Fred was waiting for me. A Hei'au is where the Polynesians worship. I married my best friend at Kukui Hei'au. As a symbol and reminder of our wedding, we keep Kukui nuts in our car.
It was a very simple ceremony. We exchanged leis, rings and drank water from a coconut. We wrote our vows.
Fred's vows to me
My Dearest Cynthia,
Today you and I are in paradise. Not just because of where we are, but because we are together. Today we will join together in a sacred bond. Two souls intertwined as one. Since the moment I met you, you have brightened my life like the sun above us. You have opened my eyes to a whole new world. Not a day goes by that you don't make me feel special. Today I am truly the luckiest man alive. You are my Eternal Soul-mate, the link that completes my chine, my Other Half, my Cuddlemonkey. You are my perfect fit, mind body and soul. You are my angel and when you spread your wings I want to fly with you on a little trip to Heaven on the wings of your love. Today I make an important promise to you. I promise to give you my eternal love. I promise to protect you when you are scared, to hold you when you are sad, and to cheer you up when you are mad. I promise to be there by your side, holding your hand through the good and bad, wherever life may take us. Our lives together and our loves will last forever. Long after the stars have faded away, our love will there burning strong. I will love you for eternity and beyond and I ask you today, to take me as your husband.
My vows to Fred
Fred,
I called you many names: Baby, Cuddlemonkey, Mio Tesero, Soul-mate.
Today I can call you husband.
You are my past, present and future.
You have a piece of my soul.
You are the angel I have been looking for, coloring my life
You're the love I have always wanted, embracing my heart.
Let's always dive together, hand in hand.
Our love will be the light to lead the way.
Our souls will be the paint to illustrate our never ending story.
I promise to share your sorrow and happiness.
I promise not to take you for granted.
I promise to fill your life with mine.
I love you today. I'll love you forever.
I'll love you until eternity.
And if eternity comes, I promise my soul will find yours and love you once more
It was a very simple ceremony. We exchanged leis, rings and drank water from a coconut. We wrote our vows.
Fred's vows to me
My Dearest Cynthia,
Today you and I are in paradise. Not just because of where we are, but because we are together. Today we will join together in a sacred bond. Two souls intertwined as one. Since the moment I met you, you have brightened my life like the sun above us. You have opened my eyes to a whole new world. Not a day goes by that you don't make me feel special. Today I am truly the luckiest man alive. You are my Eternal Soul-mate, the link that completes my chine, my Other Half, my Cuddlemonkey. You are my perfect fit, mind body and soul. You are my angel and when you spread your wings I want to fly with you on a little trip to Heaven on the wings of your love. Today I make an important promise to you. I promise to give you my eternal love. I promise to protect you when you are scared, to hold you when you are sad, and to cheer you up when you are mad. I promise to be there by your side, holding your hand through the good and bad, wherever life may take us. Our lives together and our loves will last forever. Long after the stars have faded away, our love will there burning strong. I will love you for eternity and beyond and I ask you today, to take me as your husband.
My vows to Fred
Fred,
I called you many names: Baby, Cuddlemonkey, Mio Tesero, Soul-mate.
Today I can call you husband.
You are my past, present and future.
You have a piece of my soul.
You are the angel I have been looking for, coloring my life
You're the love I have always wanted, embracing my heart.
Let's always dive together, hand in hand.
Our love will be the light to lead the way.
Our souls will be the paint to illustrate our never ending story.
I promise to share your sorrow and happiness.
I promise not to take you for granted.
I promise to fill your life with mine.
I love you today. I'll love you forever.
I'll love you until eternity.
And if eternity comes, I promise my soul will find yours and love you once more
20 September 2006
The Waiting Game
I get my first taste of what it's like to be a midwife. A client is due any day now. I am very excited! The anticipation is killing me. I have never been a patient person. I'm a little anxious, I must admit. I hope I have the stomach for it. I am very lucky to be able to be a part of her birth. If you believe in fate, then you could say it was meant to be. The midwife I am working with will be leaving soon. I was suppose to meet the client in August. The midwife found out that she was moving end of July. I was so excited about starting to go to prenatal appointments that I met the mom in June. I wonder what would have happened if I would have waited until August. Would the midwife think it was worth it?
The mom is great. She is very in tune with her body. S says that she is a great client for a first time apprentice. It is so cool to do the things that were done at my prenatals, but on the other side.
I just hope that I will be able to find someone as cool to work with as S. My plan is to go to nursing school and become a nurse midwife who does homebirths. If I decide not to home school, I hope that I can work in Desmina's school as a nurse. I will do midwifery on the side. Or I may just abandon the thought of nursing school altogether if I can find a cool midwife school in NH. It all depends how long we stay there.
The mom is great. She is very in tune with her body. S says that she is a great client for a first time apprentice. It is so cool to do the things that were done at my prenatals, but on the other side.
I just hope that I will be able to find someone as cool to work with as S. My plan is to go to nursing school and become a nurse midwife who does homebirths. If I decide not to home school, I hope that I can work in Desmina's school as a nurse. I will do midwifery on the side. Or I may just abandon the thought of nursing school altogether if I can find a cool midwife school in NH. It all depends how long we stay there.
19 September 2006
Good News!
Desmina's tests came back yesterday. Everything is normal. Well except for her urine test. They saw bacteria, which may indicate that she has a UTI. But they think it's because we did not have a sterile environment when we collected it. They think the bag was not sterile. Also her cretin level was high. She was very stressed and would only nurse. I know my supply has plummeted this month. I am going to give her acidiphilous and cranberry pills this week. Then I'll collect the urine sample. I hope they will be patient.
13 September 2006
Desi's Day
Yesterday we went to the doctor to run the tests. We really liked the doctor. She is a vegetarian and was supportive of our vegan diet. She did not say anything about us and vaxing. She was delighted that I was still breastfeeding.
Poor Desmina though. She must had a feeling that things were going to go wrong. Because as soon as she saw the nurse she started crying. She had to endure so much yesterday. She had to be pricked four times so that they could get some blood. They stuck a bag on her vagina to catch some urine. With the little blood they got, they will run a test for thyroid, liver, CBC and if they have some left over other small tests. I hope they have enough blood. They also took an x-ray, which she hated. They took a stool sample, which she graciously gave to them. I will return the urine sample today. She did not go the whole time we were in the office. I think she was too stressed. We hope to find the results out on Friday.
Poor Desmina though. She must had a feeling that things were going to go wrong. Because as soon as she saw the nurse she started crying. She had to endure so much yesterday. She had to be pricked four times so that they could get some blood. They stuck a bag on her vagina to catch some urine. With the little blood they got, they will run a test for thyroid, liver, CBC and if they have some left over other small tests. I hope they have enough blood. They also took an x-ray, which she hated. They took a stool sample, which she graciously gave to them. I will return the urine sample today. She did not go the whole time we were in the office. I think she was too stressed. We hope to find the results out on Friday.
10 September 2006
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Fred got offered a position in New Hampshire. He will be making more money, but cost of living is almost thirty percent higher there than here. It is a wonderful job opportunity for him, but he is worried that he be stuck at this position. I am
hesitant to leave my whole support system behind. We already found our niche here, but I have always dreamed of leaving Texas behind. I was hoping it would be a move to the Pacific Northwest, not New England.
Fred kids that we should determine whether or not we moved based on if I'm pregnant or not. I find out either tomorrow or Tuesday. I already know who I would use as a midwife here. I hope that finding a midwife in NH would be as easy. I need a midwife that will do HBACs. I am hoping that I am pregnant, but I do not want that to be the deciding factor.
I am also concerned about finding an AP friendly doctor. Although, I did check out the Mothering Forums and it seems as though there are good doctors. I do not know how far I will be willing to drive for a checkup.
Fred will discuss more with his boss tomorrow. I do hope that we come to a decision soon.
hesitant to leave my whole support system behind. We already found our niche here, but I have always dreamed of leaving Texas behind. I was hoping it would be a move to the Pacific Northwest, not New England.
Fred kids that we should determine whether or not we moved based on if I'm pregnant or not. I find out either tomorrow or Tuesday. I already know who I would use as a midwife here. I hope that finding a midwife in NH would be as easy. I need a midwife that will do HBACs. I am hoping that I am pregnant, but I do not want that to be the deciding factor.
I am also concerned about finding an AP friendly doctor. Although, I did check out the Mothering Forums and it seems as though there are good doctors. I do not know how far I will be willing to drive for a checkup.
Fred will discuss more with his boss tomorrow. I do hope that we come to a decision soon.
08 September 2006
All in a day's work
and not quite done yet.
Tomorrow is Desmina's birthday party. I have been preparing all morning and afternoon. I am still not quite done yet. I am very excited about it all. It is going to be an art party. We will have a painting station, an etching station and a marble art station. I may add a marker station to the mix. What's on the menu? Raw carrot cake, vegan chocolate raspberry cake, raw ravioli, tofu sandwiches, veggies and some type of raw nut dip. I just finished making the carrot cake and baking the chocolate cake. After Desmina wakes up from her nap I'll prepare the ravioli and dip. Fred will make the tofu sandwiches. I'll post pictures of all the yummy food and festivities tomorrow.
Tomorrow is Desmina's birthday party. I have been preparing all morning and afternoon. I am still not quite done yet. I am very excited about it all. It is going to be an art party. We will have a painting station, an etching station and a marble art station. I may add a marker station to the mix. What's on the menu? Raw carrot cake, vegan chocolate raspberry cake, raw ravioli, tofu sandwiches, veggies and some type of raw nut dip. I just finished making the carrot cake and baking the chocolate cake. After Desmina wakes up from her nap I'll prepare the ravioli and dip. Fred will make the tofu sandwiches. I'll post pictures of all the yummy food and festivities tomorrow.
To worry
or not?
Desmina had her 2 year appointment yesterday. The doctor was concerned because she is falling off her curve on height. He thinks that it is time that we take her to see an actual pediatrician. I am on the hunt for a doctor that will not pass judgment on my vax free nursling. I am keeping a food log for what Desmina eats during the day. I gave him her food log from last week and he thought that she was getting a balanced diet. It's not like she isn't eating. This is what she had today.
Breakfast
2 waffles
2 strawberries
Snack
cheerios
Lunch
Rice
Beans
Guacamole
Snack
6 strawberries
Cyn handful of crackers
hummus
guacamole
cantaloupe
Dinner
1/2 taco
Rice
beans
Guacamole
She woke up at 9 this morning, had breakfast and we ate lunch at 12. We went home, she napped at 1 and woke up at around 3 or 4. We had a very late dinner, but she snacked the whole entire time. She did not eat much of her dinner. Like maybe a couple of bites of her rice and beans. But she snacked from the time she woke up until it was time for dinner. I was actually surprised that she could fit more in her stomach.
Anyways, we are going to test her for malaborption first. And then perhaps we may have to take her to go see a specialist. I would feel so guilty if it was something that I didn't catch in the beginning. Honestly, I was going to see a different doctor to see if they would test for malabsoprtion because Dr. B does not. But because he confirmed that he thought she needed it as well, makes it seem more dire.
Desmina had her 2 year appointment yesterday. The doctor was concerned because she is falling off her curve on height. He thinks that it is time that we take her to see an actual pediatrician. I am on the hunt for a doctor that will not pass judgment on my vax free nursling. I am keeping a food log for what Desmina eats during the day. I gave him her food log from last week and he thought that she was getting a balanced diet. It's not like she isn't eating. This is what she had today.
Breakfast
2 waffles
2 strawberries
Snack
cheerios
Lunch
Rice
Beans
Guacamole
Snack
6 strawberries
Cyn handful of crackers
hummus
guacamole
cantaloupe
Dinner
1/2 taco
Rice
beans
Guacamole
She woke up at 9 this morning, had breakfast and we ate lunch at 12. We went home, she napped at 1 and woke up at around 3 or 4. We had a very late dinner, but she snacked the whole entire time. She did not eat much of her dinner. Like maybe a couple of bites of her rice and beans. But she snacked from the time she woke up until it was time for dinner. I was actually surprised that she could fit more in her stomach.
Anyways, we are going to test her for malaborption first. And then perhaps we may have to take her to go see a specialist. I would feel so guilty if it was something that I didn't catch in the beginning. Honestly, I was going to see a different doctor to see if they would test for malabsoprtion because Dr. B does not. But because he confirmed that he thought she needed it as well, makes it seem more dire.
06 September 2006
Happy Birthday Desmina
Where has the time gone? I can't believe that you are already two years old! Happy Birthday, Sweet Girl! Or as you have been saying it, "Happy Up Up." I love you!
02 September 2006
Sex Quiz
You have a sexual IQ of 141 When it comes to sex, you are a super genius. You have had a lot of experience, and sex interests you so you know a lot about it. You pride yourself on being a source of information and guidance to all of your friends. Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com |
01 September 2006
Sexually Frustrated
Lately, it seems the best actions I get are in my dreams. I have been having wild crazy sex dreams lately. Last night I dreamt that I was having sex with a professor to make an A. In my dream, it was actually Fred, I think. But the doctor was totally rubbing on me and I was getting so turned on. I don't even think I even got to O in my dream.
I also dreamt of an old friend of mine. I don't remember much about it. But we were in a game show together. We won a trip to Mexico. I am sure the Mexico part came because my BIL was on Wheel of Fortune and he won a trip to Mexico. Anyways, we won a trip and lots of money. I told him to get in the car. But in the dream it seemed so surreal. We were driving away and I just knew he was going to fade away. I told him my fear, and he told me that it wasn't him fading, but me. I had a life of my own with Fred and Desmina. I rememeber as he was saying this, I could see the images of a soda bottle fading in and out. In my dream I wanted a life with him or just one crazy night of wild sex.
I have no idea why I had this dream. My friend and I made out once, but nothing came from it. I didn't go home with him that night. I guess I wonder how he would have been like in the sack.
It's just frustrating. Fred and I are having sex. I just don't get to O. I think it's been seven or eight times. I am sure this is what is causing my dreams.
I also dreamt of an old friend of mine. I don't remember much about it. But we were in a game show together. We won a trip to Mexico. I am sure the Mexico part came because my BIL was on Wheel of Fortune and he won a trip to Mexico. Anyways, we won a trip and lots of money. I told him to get in the car. But in the dream it seemed so surreal. We were driving away and I just knew he was going to fade away. I told him my fear, and he told me that it wasn't him fading, but me. I had a life of my own with Fred and Desmina. I rememeber as he was saying this, I could see the images of a soda bottle fading in and out. In my dream I wanted a life with him or just one crazy night of wild sex.
I have no idea why I had this dream. My friend and I made out once, but nothing came from it. I didn't go home with him that night. I guess I wonder how he would have been like in the sack.
It's just frustrating. Fred and I are having sex. I just don't get to O. I think it's been seven or eight times. I am sure this is what is causing my dreams.
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