My S'ang

My S'ang came into the world on our bedroom floor at the foot of our bed at 1:30 in the morning on May 12.

I have been having contractions for almost a week, but I consider labour to officially begin when I lost my mucous plug on Friday morning at five. The night before we had an appointment with Jeanne, our midwife and went to eat Indian food. I had Baigan Baratha (spl) to help encourage labour. On the way home, I remember the contractions being more intense. We went to bed around midnight to ensure that we would be well rested just in case labour would begin. Sure enough it did.

I woke up several times that night because of my contractions. I got up to use the restroom and saw that I a bit of plug. I was very excited, but I knew I had to go back to bed. I tried to lay down in the bedroom, but couldn't. So I moved into the other bedroom. The sound of the rain kept me from sleeping, except at the time I was thinking who the hell was mowing their lawn at five in the morning. I went to the window and saw it was the rain on the tin roof, so I moved to the living room. I was able to sleep maybe an hour on the couch and then moved to our bedroom.

We got out of bed at around 7:30, after Desi woke up. I called Kerry, our doula and then Jeannie to let them know I was in early labour. Then I set an appointment with our chiropractor so that I could get my body aligned for birthing. After the chiropractor, we went to the store for groceries. I had to stop every once in a while in the aisles to relax. After we got home, I went to tell our neighbor that she was officially on call for Desi. I stayed down and we took the girls out while Fred went to get me dolma. We went to the swings. During contractions I used the hang bar to sway and squat, which I found to relieve them. The girls were getting restless, so we went back inside. Fred still wasn't back yet. While I was waiting, I crawled on my hands and knees while the girls followed me. It was so cute.
When Fred came, I ate some dolma and then we went outside to swing again. This time I found sitting on the swings and swaying helped more. It was getting hot and Desi was hungry so we went in to feed her and then put her down for her nap. At this point my contractions were four minutes apart and a minute long.
I watched Lost (which happened to have a scene where a woman birthed naturally in the woods). I had to hit pause at each contraction because it was so intense. Kerry called just as the show ended and I asked her to go ahead and come. While Fred and I waited, we walked around the house a bit and I would lean on him and we would sway together during contractions. They were sitll coming at the same intervals..

Kerry arrived at around 2:30. We did more walking and swaying, then I moved to the computer chair while Fred would kneel so I could lean on him. I found sitting on the birth ball to much pressure. I ended up on my hands and knees while Kerry did some massage on my lower back. This was when Desi woke up from her nap. I could tell she was a little worried. We reassured her that everything was okay and that baby was coming. We moved to the living room with the chair again. Eventually, it was time to take Desi downstairs. My contractions were still coming at the same intervals, but they were becoming more intense. Kerry took her downstairs while I laboured on Fred.

I was beginning to get more irritable. I wanted to know where the midwives were. I had Fred call them. I wanted to get in the water, and Jeanne had said I couldn't get in the water until I was 6 cm. They said they were on the way still. Eventually I couldn't hold out anymore. We filled the tub in the bathroom and I just pretty much dived in at the same time they came. I told them that I couldn't wait. *Later, Anna tells me that when the midwives came, Desi said "Holy crap my midwives are here," and insisted on coming upstairs.* They said it was okay. They checked the baby's heart rate which was a steady 140. Then I asked to check dialtion. I was at an 8!!!! That was the best thing I heard. At each contraction I sunk into the water. Then I thought it was time to push. Looking back, I pushed to early. Nothing was happening, so Jeannie suggested me moving to the birthing stool. Nothing still so she thought it was my waters getting in the way. She broke it and I felt some relief. I still wasn't able to push right. We moved in the bedroom where we tried several positions. At one point, my body took over. Now it was really time to push because my body would correct my direction of pushing. It is an amazing feeling. Jeanne helped stretch the last lip and I think this helped.
Everything blurs together at this point. I remember trying to birth on the bed first with me laying down and them holding my legs. Then on the birthing stool. Then with a supported squat. Then on my hands and knees while someone squeezed my hips together. I don't remember the order of these positions. I just remember ending up on the bedroom floor while they held my knees. It took many contractions it seemed to get the baby past my pubic bone. They got the mirror out to encourage me. At first it wasn't helping because I couldn't see anything. But then I saw a head! I could see my body moving the head forward! It was just amazing to feel my body take over my pushing. I would start in back, and then it would move it forward somehow. I remember them feeding me maple syrup, blue cohosh and emergency C between contractions to give me a boost. I remember them checking the baby's heart rate at each contraction too to make sure the baby was tolerating it. It was a steady 140 each time, except a couple of times it went to 168 but it went back to 140. I remember sticking my tongue up almost to mimick where my body should push the baby's head, like a U. I remember thinking, just one more contraction and the baby will be pass my pubic bone. I think this helped me a lot to get to my goal as well. When the head stayed in view, I remember coaxing my baby to come out. "Baby, come out." Fat Bastard was telling me, "Get out of my belly!" as well. Finally the baby's head crowned. It was amazing that my body could still push despite the feeling of being stretched all the way. Jeannie pulled on the baby to guide the head out. I don't remember when it felt good, but when the baby slid out, it was the most wonderful feeling. I kept saying, "Oh my god" over and over again. Then after I heard the baby's cry, I knew I did it. I said, "My baby" and "We did it!" over and over again. I wasn't able to nurse the baby right away because the cord was too short. Fred went downstairs to get Desi to meet Baby Orange. WE wanted Desi to tell us the sex, but she was too sleepy. It was actually Jeanne's idea. I didn't even realize that we didn't know the sex yet. I just knew that we had a baby!!!! Fred announced it. It was a boy. His son. He ran to play, "Here Comes the Sun" Nina Simone's version.

I later found out that I pushed for five hours, and that the baby's head was tilted to the side. I had a third degree tear. This is why it took so long to write my birth story. I can't sit on my bottom for too long.

We did not come up with the name until Sunday morning. His name is Bodhi. Bodhi means awakening or enlightenment. I call him S'ang. It means morning in Vietnamese. It is pronounced with a short a sound. The name came to me while he was still in the womb. I have been drawing the baby as the sun or enveloped in an orange aura for my birth art. Desi has been calling him "Orange Baby" while he was in the womb and his song is "Here Comes the Sun." It seems like the family decided separately that he is our sun, our morning and our awakening So I find the nickname and his name to fit him perfectly.

Love is

Holding your baby for the first time

Just out of the womb.


Daddy meeting his son.


Mina holding her brother.

Love is nursing for the first time.


Love is giving him kisses.


Love is siblings naps.


Bodhi came into the world on May 12, 2007 at 1:30 AM at the foot of our bed.
6 lbs 7 oz
18.5 inches

Happy Love Thursday!

Today's hypno session was brought to you by

Pooh, Piglet and Eeyore too.

"Let go," my hypno-therapist tells me. I'm a bit annoyed. Am I getting my money's worth? Come on, I don't want to work on relaxation. We have been doing this for the last three sessions. I'm also slightly perturbed by Fred too. How can he bring him into a state or relaxation so quickly? He needs to help me relax and doesn't need to sit and be hypnotized as well. He has proven himself quite adapt at self hypnosis already.

I'm just annoyed in general. Pooh is very simple. He doesn't let little things bother him. This guy is yapping, the music is annoying, at least Fred is being quiet. I hear Pooh giggling. He is totting along holding Piglet's hand.
"Let it go. These small things don't matter."
"I won't go to a session next week. What's the use? I can work on relaxation at home. They just don't think I can do this!"
"Let it go. Let things be."
"How come we aren't working on Fred being a partner? Instead he just sits there."
"Let it go. You're letting those things annoy you."
I sink deeper and deeper. Releasing the strings of my annoyances.

Guess what happens? My hypno-therapist sees that I am in such a deep state of relaxation that it tries something new: glove anesthesia. I am aware that he is taking my hand and stroking it. I am aware that he is pinching the skin. Ha! He thinks I can't feel it. It doesn't hurt. Its time to bring us both out.
He asks what I remember. I tell him that I felt him playing with my hand leaving the part out about the pinching. I want him to think that it worked. He tells me that he was actually grabbing skin with his nails and twisting. Hmmm...I guess I didn't feel that. Points for the hypno-therapist AND me!

Know what else? Next week we will work on birth breathing. I guess the little fluff ball was right.

Relaxation

I have been going to see a hypnotherapist to help me relax and prepare for birth. I have been to two sessions. I haven't been able to go under hypnosis yet; Fred on the other hand, is quite successful. Fred isn't the one giving birth.

This piece is something that I envisioned during the first session. The hypnotherapist told us to imagine going down an escalator. Well, since D was with me during the vision exercise, I didn't feel safe going down an escalator with her. I imagined flying through clouds towards my baby. I don't know when the clouds metamorphosed into rainbows. They sky is a bright blue with hues of pinks, violets and green near the umbilical cord. We are still attached. The baby is lit by the sun, rays of light exploding behind him or her. I am diving through different colors of the rainbow closer and closer to relaxation. Holding my hands out to catch my baby. I see the rays of sun in between my fingers. My hair acts like a cape to help me glide down towards my goal. The top of the baby's head, which we can't is enveloped in purple as is my birth canal because purple represents power.


I sketched the bottom using, D as my model. I couldn't decide whether to use water colors first for the sky or to color the baby and me first using colored pencils. I decided to use water colors. I loved how we were both blank canvases surrounded by a sea of color. I should have taken a picture. I almost decided that the piece was done, but decided to complete it. Originally, I was going through rings of, prisms but it changed to different colors. I like how the orange and red rings blend with the sun rays.

Birth Art

Birthing from Within recommends birth art. Here is where it took me:


I was planning to paint me laboring in water, but it turned out to be something more powerful. I started using a heart sponge for the womb. I surrounded it with red. Red for blood and muscles. Then it turned into giving birth to the sun. I wanted to make sure I had the cervix wide open. The legs and arms are suppose to be muscular. The arms are open to represent the sun rising. My hair is suppose to be black and flowing, but it's more of a purple. My aura is purple because to me purple is strength. My aura explodes in orange flames, like the sun. I wanted to make sure my art extended the whole page to remember to give in to my labor. I painted my face last. I wanted my face to look peaceful, but it looks more like I'm in shock because of my O shaped mouth. I went back and tried to close my mouth. While typing I realized how painting can be compared to an art. You start with an idea, but it progresses; you just have to release yourself with the flows and surges.

Confronting fear

A woman on my hombirth board posted this:

Confronting fear
Birth is the strongest force a woman normally experiences. If there is harmony with this force, your body and mind will enter into a different state, one that surrenders totally to natural forces. The face loses self consciousness; it is a quiet state, gentle and profound. Sometimes I think the ease of a birth has to do with complete surrender to nature; an acceptance of being part of something greater than the individual self, like a beautiful spring, or the first heavy rains, or the sounds and rhythms of the sea.
Labour and birth are a matter of believing, trusting, and listening to your instincts - a matter of getting close enough to yourself and to the information you are receiving. I do not mean to de-emphasise the importance of coaches during labour. I simply do not think that they can do it for you because they can't. Their support and love vibrations are invaluable and make it possible for more than just yourself to share in this most beautiful act of love, the joyful bringing forth of new life! Tune into labour. Unfold your inherent birth knowledge. Use your own rhythm, get behind it and don't have your mind in any time dimension except the present. Don't slip into the past and don't rush into the future. Accept each contraction one at a time just as you accept the sun rising each morning, without a question, one day at a time.
A factor in labour is the intense sensation. It is beyond the expectations of anyone who has never given birth. This intense sensation is simply a part of the whole, and when theres no fear, it simply is. It is nothing to be afraid of, nothing to waste your energy fighting against.
By Raven Lang.