Looking back

Just looking back on my blog, I realize how much my children have changed, how much I have changed. I went from a mother of one to a mother of two. Two very active children, I might add. I remember when I first had Desmina I had all these delusions of grandeur that I would be the best mother. I would never yell, I would never hit, I would never lose my temper. I would be patient, I would be kind. I would serve home cooked meals every day. I would home school. The list goes on. And while I have not lived quite up to my expectations, I am still happy. I may lose my temper. But I'm a work in progress. I am at a better place than I was at a year ago. I still yell, but not quite as much as I used to.

Recently I was reminded to spend more time with my kids. Play with them and look at them with child like eyes. I want them to remember me for the fun we had. I want them to go to bed each night knowing I love them, despite the fact that I yelled at them for pouring pickle juice on my freshly mopped kitchen floor. Every day is a new day, a new day to start anew.

On homeschooling, we decided to give public kindergarten a whirl. I had so much fun in school. I loved having my own little cubby, my own desk, a school supply box. Don't tell anyone this, but I loved home work. I even made up practice work sheets just to learn some more. I loved the kiddy games we played, Seven up, Red Rover, Doggy, doggy, games that aren't as fun with two children. I have social anxiety bad. I have to mentally prepare myself to step outside the house even if it's a trip to the store. I hide it well. I prefer for friends to come to me. Thus, socializing my children will be a challenge. I can do the academic aspects of home schooling. The nerd in me loves it, but the geek in me fears being around other people. I just don't want to pass that anxiety on to my children, like my mother did to me. I do wonder what Desi will be like in school. Will she listen to her teacher? Will she boss the other kids around? Will she throw her infamous temper tantrums? I am not afraid of the school system. I don't think it's faulty. I know it's not for everyone, but I believe that it's worth giving it a shot and see if will meet my children's wants and needs.