Well duh?

Last night while practice my relaxation I realized something. Yes, I know that I'm suppose to empty out my mind, but that is something that I just cannot do. Honestly, I don't think you ever empty your mind. You will always have thoughts running through your head. My thoughts were not rush hour traffic this time. I had one clear thought. "It's okay to give yourself to someone. There is a difference between someone taking it away from me and me giving it to somebody." There are times where I get so angry at Fred for hitting on me. I feel dirty and ashamed, when I should feel sexy and beautiful. I love him with all that I know, but I haven't given myself to him. I don't know if I ever did, sadly. I didn't even give myself to my child when it was time to give birth. No, it's not guilt talking. I had to be in control of my body. In the end, the doctor ended up having control, slicing my body. Something as simple as giving yourself to someone is an issue I need to work past. *** took away much more than my dignity and self-worth. He not stole something from me, but he took away something from my husband and child. I will not give him that power anymore. I don't even know where he is, but he still had it simply because I never allowed myself to trust again. But the difference between *** and my family is that, I will give and they will give back. How come it took me so long to realize something so simple?