Once upon a time...

three years ago to be exact, a beautiful fairy was born.


Since then, her mom had not had any peace and quiet. She kept her parents up at night and still does sometimes. She torments her little brother. She asks lots of silly questions. She climbed the walls. But she also bought har parents love and happiness. It is quie on the homefront..when she was sleeping. She gives her brother sweet kisses and makes sure we wouldn't forget him (by yellling at anyone holding him who was not on her approved list). She asks questions that make her parents laughs. She pronounces things in her cute little way (refrideratorrator). She dances around the room. My lovely little fairy.

One year

Two year


Say Happy Birthday to M! I'll post her three year picture later.

Home sweet home!

We are back from Texas. WE went to visit family. Boy was it chaotic! We are still settling in. Big news: I'm an auntie!!!! My niece arrived August. I would love to share pictures, but I have to ask her mommy first.


Here are some pics for now. For some reason, I can't add anymore pictures.

Shameless Plug

I entered the kids in a photo contest in hopes to win a gift certificate. B's picture is him yawning and M has a huge grin on her face.
Vote here.

Ugh

My stomach has been hurting all day from the stress. I found out this morning that if M so much lays a finger on Regan again, her mom is going to pull her out. She doesn't even want M too hang out with her "precious" daughter. I understand wanting to be protective of your own child, but a lot of time M does it out of retaliation. I am not delusional enough to believe that my daughter is always innocent. She does have a history, but since her verbal skills have picked up, she does not strike as often unless she is messed with. Yes, she will hit back. Regan's mom is so freaking blind to the fact that her daughter pulls M like a rag doll, she will pummel M, lay on top of her,throw things at her, stick her fingers in her mouth and yell right in her face, among her other things. Not to mention that all Regan does is freaking whine all the time. I would be more sympathetic to Regan's mom if her M hit her daughter unprovoked. I think it's just hypocritical.

So my daughter isn't allowed to play in her own freaking backyard now because she isn't allowed near the daycare kids. What the fuck am I suppose to do? Inside and upstairs is hot with no A/C and a toddler and infant. We don't take the car many places to save on gas. I can walk so far with two kids in tow. Will the woman pay my gas to protect her precious? Sad thing is Regan was asking for M all day. The girl has a good heart as does M. They play well together..they just have moments when they act like two year olds.

My neighbor is trying to make me feel better. Telling me that I don't have to stay inside, but the mom does not want M anywhere near her daughter. So I guess we have to come up with a system. Whoever makes it out there first the other stays inside or something. My neighbor disagrees and thinks that we can still let them play with each other. I don't want my neighbor to lose her client. Unlike the mom who doesn't care about my daughter's feelings and whether or not she will overheat , I do care about Regan and her feelings. Maybe I can ask her to buy me an a/c unit on top of our gas if she expects us to stay upstairs all day or go out to keep her away from daughter.

At last

We did it!!!!

We found our first cache.

M wasn't too keen on the idea leaving something of hers behind. Fred put in his purple LLL bracelet in instead. We took a little football guy. I hope to hide him in Texas when we visit.

I miss her

My Nella.
I know that she would want me to remember her in the best way. She wouldn't want me to be sad. But you know? I am. Some days are much better than others. And some days I just want to cry.
And you know as much as I hate the same of cigarettes, I miss the smell on her.
Not a good post today. I was happy earlier this week. I guess it's late and I need to got bed.

Thanksgiving

A good friend reminded me to look upon my life and remember what I'm grateful day. Why should we wait until November to appreciate what we have in our lives?

I'm grateful for Fred; he is my rock, my champion, and my coach, always motivating me. He was the only one who believed that I could push B, including myself. He pushes me to what I do beyond where I think my limits end.

I'm grateful for my children; just like my friend, they are my universe. M can always bring a smile to my face with her antics. She has such a good heart. She is my moon fairy. B brought me closer to enlightenment, hence his name. He brought me to peace with M's birth (it didn't go as planned). It's amazing what such a small person can do. He is my morning sun.

I'm grateful for my friends. They are my support beams. I have met new friends here in NH through LLL. I love getting to know someone new and do new things with them. I still talk to my old friends that I met in Texas. Always nice to sit and reminisce with an old friend.

I'm grateful for hugs. I just got one from M. :)

I'm grateful for music. It says things that words cannot express. It brings you back to moments in your life that you want to remember or forget. And even those moments you want to forget, it serves as a reminder of what steps you will not repeat. I can always get lost in the waves. Music reminds me that I'm human again, it invokes a feeling in me.

I'm grateful for my senses. M is playing with red and orange scarves...so bright. I love being able to gaze in my children's eyes. I love being able to feel the stubble of Fred's beard. I love feeling B's soft hair against my face. I love the smell of the summer wind after it's been raining. The smell of a baby's head has some kind of effect on me...it's my drug. I love hearing B's coos and the way M says things like refrigerator (frideratorrator), water (wader), chiropractor (piropractor), and so many other words. I almost don't want her to say things correctly because it's so damn cute. And of course I love eating! Yummy fresh garlic, a juicy mango, a dripping soy cream cone..

Bloody Horror Show

Fred and I were in Hawaii. We spent two weeks there, but my family were there. Fred took us to another room because he wanted some privacy. I told him that they were leaving Friday and we would have two days to ourselves.

Fred had to go to school Friday. I don't remember what class it was. I wanted to go to the beach afterwards. First we went to his therapist's house. Fred made lollipops and a tape of his accordion music. Fred hinted that he wanted to go to the mall to get one so he could learn to play with his other hand. I told him I wanted to go to the beach first and that he did not play in a long time so why did he want to start now? I remember thinking that we were intruding on the therapist like in the movie "What about Bob." Fred said it wasn't like that because he wasn't crazy. He was just going to talk about problems.

As we were leaving, it was starting to rain. I knew that the rain would stop soon so we headed to the beach. I remember thinking that the beach was rockier than I remember. I think we both just jumped in. Fred had Mina and I had Bodhi. All of a sudden it truned into a ride, except I didn't jump into a raft. Fred did. B was on my back and I was swimming underwater hoping he would hang on. I remember the water spraying. I was worried about B, but I knew it was a dream and that he would not get hurt.

I don't know at what point it was, but I remember that Fred and I were driving around and wanted to go to a particular beach that was a few hours away. I cannot remember if was in the past or we were doing it.

When we left, we passed by someone shooting a movie. It was a girl I knew from elementary school. She was a neighbor. Every one was surrounding her, trying to get her attention. She nodded in my general direction. We were meeting up with another classmate (Fred and I). She was driving a Jeep. We parked in another parking area, which the parking lot was similar to a cavern with lots of different caves.

Well, the friend's car got tipped, but so did ours. We had to return back to our car. The movie that was being shot was a horror show. There was blood everywhere. We left to go to another part of the parking area. There was still blood all over the cave walls. Then I realized it wasn't a horror show anymore. People were out to get us.

We drove away and went back to the therapist's house to get Fred's shoes for school. He was wearing sneakers, but needed dress shoes. Okay, I don't remember what point that happened if it was before or after the beach.

I don't remember if this happened at the therapist's house or not, but it turned out to be a killing spree. Someone was torturing us. Fred and the kids had faded away at this point. I don't know where they went. There were two others. I don't remember if they were getting us to turn on each other or not.

I managed to escape. I was running as fast as I could. I was on top of a roof. I remember wondering if I should try to fly or not. I don't know if I knew I was dreaming or not, but I knew I could jump. I took one leap and began to descend. Then I spread my arms out and lifted up and soared above the roofs. It was nighttime.

I kept flying until I was in someplace new. I had to make sure no one knew me. At this point, Fred was back with me when we were trying to escape. He was the one who suggested a new place, far away. I met someone else who was involved in the terror. WE both pretend we did not recognize each other. WE were both in disguise. Either I was an orange pony with wings, or it was the other person. I could see the orange pony under a rainbow. I think it was me though. The other person was a dragon or something.

Thank goodness I woke up! I was too scared to go back to sleep, because I knew that I would start dreaming again. Pretty F-ed up dream, huh? Anyone care to analyze it?

Knock Knock

We taught M about knock knock jokes tonight.
M:Knock Knock.
Us: Who's there?
M: Me
Us: Me who?
M:Mina!!!!
It only works for her name.

She also loves the give me five game.
Give me five.
On the side.
In the hole. *form an "O" with thumb and forefinger and quickly jerk it away before other person puts finger in*
You're to slow.
It cracks her up.

Where has the time gone?

Today S'ang turns two months. He weighs at 9 lbs 4 oz today.
Here are some pictures from today. He is very expressive.

Sweet Summer Smooches

Happy Love Thursday!!!

So she can be sweet

Pictures from last night.



I love the look on Bs face here. It's as he is saying, "Oh S, what is she doing? And you're letting her?"

The things a toddler says

Fred got up early this morning so I could get a little extra sleep. As soon as I wake up:
M: I want to nurse!
Me: Can I get some breakfast first?
M: I want to nurse!
Me: Didn't you eat breakfast already?
M: I want breastfast!

Mommy doesn't live here anymore

Don't you wish you can just get in the car and just drive? I am tapped out. I am tired of oozing milk even when I'm not nursing. M just has been torturous to her little brother. Instead of team tagging me, they double body slam me.
I went out with my best friend on Friday and they were still in the back of my mind. Is he okay? Is he awake? Is he well fed? I have yet to pick up a pump yet. I need to find a place to rent one. My reasoning for procrastinating is that I wasn't able to pump with M. I would pump for half an hour and only get an ounce. Perhaps the days I want to pump I'll take some sort of lactation support for the whole day.
With M, I was okay with being a mom twenty four seven. Now I'm ready to get my sanity back. I don't know where I left it. Perhaps it's' in my freezer along with the placenta. Or maybe the vampires stole it. Is there sanity in my precious milk? Is there a refresh button somewhere?
And let's talk about my looks. I have no clothes that fit me. The clothes that do are tattered and torn. I hate my hair cut. My mom "fixed" it and now it looks as though I can clean the floors with it. I feel like a blow fish half of the time the other half is because I hate to see what I look like in a mirror.
It used to be that I could surf a bit and feel better. Now it sucks. I hope to have some time to myself soon. I would love to go shopping and I have never been a shopper. I'm just tired of looking like a street urchin like my mom tells me. Next date with myself I would scrapbook. Ironically, it would be about my kids. They may be vampires but they are sure damn cute ones.

Puppy Love

Awww. I want a puppy!!!
Happy Love Thursday!!!

In the words of the Wiggles

Having fun at the Beach!

We didn't take B in. The water was wicked cold. Your feet would hurt just after standing in it for a few seconds. M had lots of fun. She loved the crashing of the waves. She enjoyed playing in the sand with her daddy. She didn't like the rocks too much.
I don't think the water ever warms up. I would love to go to CA or FL sometime where the water is warmer.

Thrill Seeker

Yesterday we took M to go see "Hattacause" .

It was their first amusement park. We have been building it up for M and she was very excited all week. She woke up two hours earlier yesterday and wouldn't go back to sleep. Fortunately it was a two hour drive to Jefferson. She caught a few winks on the drive.

M seemed to like the carousel. She asked to ride it twice. What I like about this park is that it caters to the family crowd so there isn't a lot of people. Lines are much shorter. Easy for toddlers to wait in line.

M seemed to enjoy the Drummer boy ride, or whatever it is called. We caught most rides, except for the wet ones. It was a tad on the chilly side that day with a bit of a wind.

Let's not forget about B! My mom wanted to take him on ride. She didn't get to ride too many rides because of her back.

My dad got to take M on one ride. The helicopter one. I remember when we went to Disney, my dad took my little sister. He pretended he was scared and that made her laugh. My dad was always like that...doing something silly to make us smile. I love seeing him play with the grandkids.

M loved the Bah humbug ride. Mostly because I screamed, which she thinks is hilarious. She didn't care too much for the ferris wheel or Santa's sleigh. She sat like a bump on the log. It was too slow for her. Her favorite ride was the

ROLLER COASTER! She laughed so hard. I thought for sure that she would be a little scared. She would have love to go on it again, but it was time to go home. I think that we will make Santa's Village a tradition.

Next field trip for us will be Storyland.

Strawberry Fields Forever

We went strawberry picking on Sunday at the Strawberry Festival.



M ate more than she picked.

We still had a lot of berries. I think I'll make a strawberry pie today.

Cedar Circle Farm host the festival. They had face painting, which M calls tattoos.


Each child painted a pot and put dirt and a seed in it (M was overzealous with the seeds).

It's only 7:30

and so far M has
pooped on the floor. [I don't have to go poop!]
got on top of B several times. [I want to kiss him.]
stuffed a blanket in his mouth. [He's nursing.]
hit B twice. No excuse there.
It's going to be a looooong day.

The final cut

Before


The initial cut. Fourteen inches to Locks of Love. I don't know how much more was cut.


After

Summer is offically here

Goodbye long days. Hello Summer. We went to the Summer Solstice Festival yesterday.

It was nice to see so many families out together. It was the first time I felt at home. I kept expecting to run into a familiar face. That is one thing I miss about Denton: the many festivals. My favorite ones are the Denton Jazz Arts Festival where Brave Combo always play and The Dog Days of Summer where you can take your canine friend for fun and games. This festival had lots to offer.

There was a blacksmith. He would brand a sun on a woodchip.

Then you would string to make a necklace. We made one for B and M.




There was a man on stilts dancing as a woman played a dolcimer. M enjoyed that. She joined the man in stilts with a dance of her own, far away of course.


You could make bread.


M was very excited about trying her bread. She made sure we wouldn't forget to pick up her bread every five minutes.

Sadly, B's bread was eaten by someone else. Don't you hate that? Fred and I were hoping to have a warm piece of bread for ourselves. It annoyed me that someone would be that inconsiderate. Or if it was a kid, where are the parents? There was a kid that was eating pieces of bread on the tray that was not hers. Dad didn't say anything. So Fred and I weren't the only ones disappointed. Fortunately, M's bread was untouched. I would hate to see her face if hers was gone.

There was a frozen man. No pictures because he left in a huff because kids were climbing on him before I took out my camera.

There was a magician. I was too mesmerized to take pictures. He had lots of cool tricks. My favorite trick was he changed a card from three of diamonds to the three of hearts right in front of our eyes! I would love to go to a magic show. I used to want to know how it works, that is the science in me. But the child in me wants to keep the wonder. Something to believe in even though you secretly know that it's all a trick.

There were lots of performers. This particular group did some type of ribbon dance and someone played the violin. I love the sound of the violin, but my favorite stringed instrument is the cello. It sounds so rich and seductive.

I loved how there were different acts at the festival. The magician was my favorite. I am sure M's favorite was making the bread.


Nothing like making a mess and getting to eat! I do hope to find a jazz festival. I love listening to local music. Maybe I'll find a new local favorite.

Love is

early morning smiles



It's nice to have our little one and one time in the mornings before M wakes. We don't get it every day.


Happy Love Thursday!

The things a toddler says

While sitting on her potty chair.
M: My penis
Me: You don't have a penis
M: Buy, me a penis.

Look who is one month!

Boy does the time go by fast! He rolled over again yesterday. I put him in the crib close to my landlord's baby. As soon as I laid him down, he rolled over to be closer to him. It was too cute. Baby S totally dwarfs my S'ang, but then again he is teen weeks older.